the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
