I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
