Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
