He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We left the knife in your bed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
