she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
