I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
