i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
