thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
