just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize