I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
