So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
