omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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