his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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