the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
