Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
