Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am available for nakedness
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
