i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
50% drunk capacity currently
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
