After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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