His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
