Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
