On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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