You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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