just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
