they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
