whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
did you just send me my own nude
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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