john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
