Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
