I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
