I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
