A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
