I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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