Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
