don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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