An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
