do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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