I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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