Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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