hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
