Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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