the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
