Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
