That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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