i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
