Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
