All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
