it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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