why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
