Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
