it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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