some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
