Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
