put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
