Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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