She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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