I want to walk on stilts...naked
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Come on in and take your pants off
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
