my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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