I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
