a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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