i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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