you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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