I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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