I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
