As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
