I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
