i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
